I could have mohawked her pubes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
