dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
