just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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