I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize