Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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