I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
