Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
