Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
