Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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