There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
