the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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