I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
