plz talk dirty to me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
