I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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