wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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