There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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