She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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