Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
