doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
