I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
