I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
