she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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