I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
