It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
