Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
