Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
