Banned from zoo.
Again?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
