you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
