She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
