So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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