We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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