I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
