I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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