You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
