Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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