she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
