While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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