We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There r osticjed everywhere
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
