i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
