She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
