Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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