She said her name was "party"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
