I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
