His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
