And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
