IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
