I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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