Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize