i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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