I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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