so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
