Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
