I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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