shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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