are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
