I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
