see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
