if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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