I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
