Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The adults are the big ones right?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
