I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It was confusing and full of hummus
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
