and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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