i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
