Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He felt like a one man threesome
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
