gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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