then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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