I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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