I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
