I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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