please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
