so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
