Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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