his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
